Conduct of a Good Audience Member

As I have stated before, I am a magician (of sorts). As an amateur conjurer of cheap tricks I have performed hundereds of times for a variety of different people, and I have learned a thing or two. Men are dicks. Women don't follow directions. There is no greater feeling than having a person beg for the secret to a good trick. Lets start with the first lesson.

Men are dicks. A shocker I know, but really, as a member of the male gender I like to think I am pretty nice and courteous. I have my moments sure, but I have never felt the need to put other guys down just to make myself feel superior. It must be evolutionary, but if I am performing a trick for a group of people and both genders are present; never ask the guys for help. They will always, without fail, attempt to sabatage the illusion. Sometimes by not follwing directions, other times by pretending to see a slight-of-hand move when the trick is math based. Guys will usually not let you succeed if you give them half a chance to mess things up. For example. I was performing a trick where I asked a gentleman to write down his middle name first and then a list of other possible names that I had to guess from. He elected to write a false name first and then his real name. Without giving away the secret, the effect was ruined. The only good to come from this was that his whole table turned on him. The women begged me for a chance to redeem myself, but I graciously declined and returned to my table. Later that night I saw the perpetrator sitting alone at his table whilst the women he had been talking to had all moved to different tables. I like to think I won that.

The second lesson I learned. Women can't (or won't) follow directions. Most card tricks or illusions require audience participation. Pick a card; deal the cards down; don't look at the card I just handed you. For most girls I perform for I have learned not only do I have to be extremely specific in my instructions, I have to receive verbal agreement from the lovely lady that she understands explicitly and will not deviate. Far too often have I said, "deal the cards face down on the table" and the girl immediately deal a card face up. I just look at her and say, "well I guess we can do something else". I'm not sure if it is deliberate, or if women get too much into the 'helpless damsel in distress' that they lose their senses. Either way, anyone wanting to attempt some basic illusions need to aware of this, and be ridiculously specific in your instructions.

Lastly, there is no greater high than confusing the hell out of a group of complete strangers. People always ask, "How did you do it?" and I always respond, "Easily." They wiill beg for the secret, but for my big tricks I never reveal and I never repeat a trick. First time is a trick. Second time is a lesson. If you do plan to reveal a secret, make them pay for it. Have them buy you a beer. Get her phone number. Something that is worth inviting them into the world of illusions. 

Honestly, I love magic. It is one of my nerdiest qualities, but it never fails to impress. I hope you all take my complaining on the qualities of bad audience members, and strive to not be that. Let someone impress you, or at least entertan you. Be supportive of budding magicians and performers and offer constructive feedback. I mean come on. You can live with a little mystery.

Abracadabra!